dads say the darndest things.

Because it's late, and I can't sleep, I'm going to entertain you (and myself) with some snippets from this awesome guy's Twitter called shitmydadsays. I'm sorry in advance for the profanity, but I just wouldn't be doing it justice by censoring.

"Who is this woman?....Kate Beckinsale? Well, you can tell Kate Beckinsale she sucks."


"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."


"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."


"My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up."


"Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think."